Making Decisions about My Mother’s Treatment Shook the Foundations of My Sense of Wellness

“My name is Bill, and I’m an alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 16, 2001. Since that date, by the grace of God, I have not had a drink, nor any mind- or mood-altering substance of any kind. One day at a time.”

I have spoken those words literally hundreds of times in meetings over the past 21 years that I have been sober. I was lucky because I got sober at age 35 when I was early in my career, and even more so because it stuck—and I have never relapsed … yet. The reason I had to get sober was very simple: I drank too much. I was (am) a routine, run-of-the-mill alcoholic and drug user, and I had to get sober to save my career and marriage and life. And I did.

I’ve spoken to many groups of students, residents, and colleagues on the topic of physician health and wellness over the past 21 years. I’ve served on the Alabama Physician Wellness Committee since 2005, and I continue to serve today. I’ve sponsored hundreds of alcoholics attempting to get sober, monitored scores of physicians, attended countless meetings across the country, and gone to more than 40 funerals for those who didn’t make it. I’ve paid my dues, and I have hopefully earned my seat at the table whenever physician health, wellness, and burnout are discussed. I have no formal education in any of this, but I have enough on-the-job training for a PhD.

But I’m writing this now because I’m not well, and I’m far from okay. I have written extensively about my father in many articles and posts over the years, but I have rarely written about my mother, who I loved dearly. And now the opportunity to do so during her lifetime has passed; the most recent thing I wrote about her was her eulogy.

A Medical Emergency

Mama seemed to be okay until very recently. She was 82 years old, but in reasonable health and had few significant ailments. My wife Meredith and I spent the day with her on July 3 this year, and we looked at her old family photo albums and giggled and laughed for hours. She was tired and a bit unkempt, but I thought only that she was going through a spell, as she has been prone to since I was a child, and I didn’t think much of it.